Sim City (SNES)

Because real ones are a pain in the arse.

It's possibly an odd choice of game, though games akin to have taken off with huge support and a large following. The idea that you get to control an environment of your choosing, shape it, mold it and breathe life into it before slapping a shopping centre in the middle and screwing up the landscape with an industrial site, is just one of the many things you can do in Sim City on the Super Nintendo.

In a short while you can go from serenity to chaos.

The idea is the same as one would find on the PC and other versions. You're given a blank slate of land, a budget depending upon the difficulty and told to go and start a town. First you'll need power, but which type to you? Pollution heavy coal that doesn't power as many buildings, or more powerful nuclear power that runs the risk of meltdown and making your town uninhabitable for many, many years? Do you build up the industrial centres with houses too to make them cheap and affordable, but also encourage crime? Or do you build them way away from everything and have only the super rich afford it? Which means very few will come in.

"Paved paradise, put up a parking lot..."

There's many choices like this in Sim City and that's before we even scratch the surface to see the maps and reports one can find. Crime, tax, people's voice, fire control, roads and transportation; you can control all the taxes and where they're spent but not enough money will either leave roads and rail crumbling or the police and fire unable to do their jobs. You could raise taxes, but few will stay around for that, or lower them for more people but gaining less from them. It's a tightrope of economic balance and you'll have to do it.

Might as well, it's going to be full of shit anyway.

You're not alone, there's the Doc that assists by telling you the blatantly obvious and also updating you on things like when your town becomes a city, when you get prizes and bonuses, how to combat demand and most importantly, when something is ruining your city like a disaster, such as floods, fires, plane crashes or Bowser in a chariot... Yeah, we kind of departed from reality a little there.

Thanks Doc... Now sod off until I need a prostate exam.

There's no real end to the game, you can build and develop, save, come back, build and develop and go from Town to City to Capital to Metropolis and beyond in ranking. You'll invest in stadiums to keep people happy, airports and seaports for commerce and industry to develop and run further risks of plane and boat crashes. There's always a consequence for each action in this game and part of the fun is finding out what the impact will be to the small and minute changes that you make.

Crime map, aka, how badly your Police are doing.

The problem comes from not knowing straight away what will cause what and the impact is not always immediate within the game. You'll put down extra residences but people might not move in. Either because they're too expensive, or not far enough away from industrial areas, or not close enough to commercial ones. Unless you're careful too, you can waste the proximity bonuses of using Stadiums and such, while it's not abundantly clear how to remove a monster unless you've got a big population AND cash. Lots of little trick and traps to fall foul of.

The public are idiots, should be 100% NO at this point.

But if you want challenge, there's 1000 maps to generate and use as a land-start for your Town and City, each having you use the landscape slightly differently while also there's the challenge modes. Where you get given a city, and it's attacked in some fashion or another. Leading you to save the city while you can, some are a lot easier than others such as the floods (I just carried on anyway) the fires (bulldozed burning buildings and slapped in Fire Departments) while some are a lot harder like the nuclear meltdown one. Thankfully you are told what's in demand regarding Residential, Commercial and Industry, but not specifically what needs to go where to make the most of the opportunities.

Ooh! Pick the Boston Nuclear Meltdown!!!

It also has that quaint Nintendo charm of being lively, upbeat, chirpy and bouncy with the graphics and the music (which you can turn off, the music, not the graphics, that'd be fucking stupid). Everything extra from the PC version has Nintendo's touch upon it, which isn't necessarily a bad thing but there could have been better ways to present some of the information and as such this one isn't really intended for the younger audiences out there. But if you've the time and patience, you could learn to enjoy and even love this game.

Super Probotector/Contra 3: The Alien Wars

And so it begins, on the SNES!

I do have a rather fond relationship with the Probotector/Contra series of games, to a point. That point being this game in particular in which having played the first and second game in the series, then getting a SNES and seeing "Super Probotector" (an odd thing to name all games "super" just because it's on the Super Nintendo, causes a problem when you already called it Super on the NES... Right? SUPER Mario brothers...) and seeing the 8bit classic, favourite and challenge of a console brought to the 16bit era and sitting back and going "....wow..." having spent the first few minutes of the game running through a war-torn city, jumping into a tank, taking out barricades, tanks, being hit with an airstrike, somersaulting over fireballs and eruptions before fighting a giant mutant tortoise. FOR THE FIRST LEVEL.

The dynamic ways in which you'll have to fight enemies, are numerous.

It runs the same format as the other games before it have. You've yourself and maybe a second player, running from left to right with your guns, killing everything that moves and trying to get to the end where you can kill a boss. (usually... this game does mix it up a little). Accompanying this is your new abilities to climb walls, hang from ceilings and supports and now have the ability to select different weapons or fire both at once in a "web of death" spiralling move. You can also carry bombs that wipe out most enemies and do some damage to bosses too.

Because being stalked into the stratosphere wasn't scary enough, bring the spiked walls.

First thing you'll notice is that the graphics are stunning. There's no two ways about that one and the detail and focus on the 16-bit version here is mind-blowing, especially if you've not seen the games after this point. Destroyed cities look like truly dilapidated remnants of once former glorious locations, industrial landscapes as far as the eye can see, deserts within acres of canyons while riding a hover bike through along a fully maintained single road... Ok lost the plot a little on that one. But every single enemy, from standard alien creature up to giant flying armada space boss, looks stunning. The detail has been lavished on in every regard.

"I felt like such a twat when I turned around and saw what really scared them away..."

The gameplay hasn't suffered either. It's fast, it's fluid, your character runs and jumps as smoothly as the best of them and the added collar/shoulder buttons help with the standing still and shooting in all directions function while the jump and shoot are nicely placed as per muscle memory would accept while the switch and bomb buttons are added on and tend to be less used than the others anyway. (Unless you've an auto fire joypad, then it's double gun time!... yes I did do that back in the early 90's). If you die in this game it's for one of two reasons, either you've faced off against an enemy you've never met before or you didn't react in time. The controls are too solid for that to be the error here.

Once again, the computer can do something more cool than I can.

Musically and sound-effects wise, the game is fairly crisp, making good use of the onboard sound capabilities of the Super Nintendo, giving us heart-pounding beats and music filled with adrenaline to the point it'll be dripping from your ears while the shouts, screams, explosions and gunfire is almost constant but never quite enough to overpower the musical ensemble. Though some of the compositions rely on bridges that are dependent upon the character reaching a certain point in the level and it's not quite so smooth in such a transition.

Post-Air-Strike stance.

The multiplayer still holds the same issues that the first games did. If one person tries to make a huge jump that's beyond what you can manage if the screen doesn't scroll, and the other player doesn't jump... Then it's a quick trip to fuck-you town, population YOU.

First boss, suffering from Ectopia cordis (go look it up)

The game will overwhelm you at first, there's just SO much going on in each level, even the top-down levels where your view changes to a birds-eye-view of the battle, the shoulder buttons used to turn left and right and the d-pad to run around, jumping now makes you duck under bullets and some of the weapons take on different properties, the laser in particular is now a short range constant stream rather than the high powered beam weapon it was in the previous level.

Mode 7 used wonderfully here to show level 2. Though you really need to see it in action.

Your power ups range from the mundane but useful machinegun (of which you have anyway), crush gun that's short range but explodes powerfully, the flamethrower that acts like an actual flame thrower, homing bullets that do exactly what you'd expect; builds a house. No. The spread/scatter gun making it's almost trademark appearance and the laser. Bombs that will stop most bullets and small enemies and will also damage larger ones and the occasional Barrier that will give you a colour-coded shield that lets you know when it'll run out.

Level 1 and I get a tank, sadly not much else later on.

Throw in 3 difficulties of varying toughness, including the Hard Mode being the ONLY way to get the True Final Boss (a brain in an armoured suit that chases you up a pit while you're helicoptering out). Some obstacles also become invincible, some bosses speed up or hit in different movements, some enemies will now attack rather than sit in the background. There's a BIG jump from Normal to Hard mode that you will not see from Easy to Normal. In fact, with the Easy mode, you'll wonder why you even bothered, especially when most bosses are rather idle during the fights, the last boss has the 4 easiest options when fighting and you can likely outrun bullets. While conversely for hard mode, you'll be shot faster than you can say "what bulle...?", the last boss hammers you with every option and tends to favour even the grey snake special (you'll dread it when you see it) and then suits up for a final fight afterwards, and the giant turtle on level is invincible save for the heart (you can't break other bits of it).

The video game equivilient of "I'm a huge TIT", with guns.

It's a good example of how to do a strong, solid, run-n-gunner. Learn from it.

Street Fighter 2 (SNES)

"The Country Warrior" just confused a lot of people.

At a time where consoles and home computers were catching up to the arcades in terms of quality and performance, some games matched their arcade counterparts (in a fashion) while other games were mere shadows of their arcade counterparts. However when Street Fighter 2 hit the arcades, its resounding success was touted to be ported onto the Super Nintendo and as a boxed bundle, likely doing almost as much for the console as the fat plumber did in the first place. What people got, was a near-perfect replication of the game people had pumped credits into for a long time and finally a machine that showed it could almost managed what was being done on the bigger machines in arcades.

...Kicking the shit out of me would help too.

Street Fighter 2 on the SNES is likely one of the best arcade to 16-bit conversions attempted. There's a few slight differences and beyond that not much really in the way of gameplay. A few frames of animation have been cut, some of the attack and throw animations are different to compensate for the changes but otherwise all the moves, all the levels and all the music is there in a manner of speaking.

But as a game, what is it like?

And already you're thinking of THAT music, I'm proud of you.

Fundamentally, it's the Mano-a-Mano (or claw if you're Vega) combat of one person and another, going toe-to-toe with some special abilities in a limited arsenal of power moves and special attacks to try to damage the other person enough to drop their health to zero and win the round. Punches, kicks, jumps, fireballs, power moves and throws all add to the roster and fairly uniquely for almost each character (Ken and Ryu being basic palette swaps in this version, later games they differed more significantly in strength and attacks). There's 8 main characters ranging from slight and light Chinese girl, to heavy and chunky slow Russian fighter, to a monster, a sumo wrestler, two shotokan fighters (this was before the retcon to their specific schools of combat), an American pilot and the mystical Indian stretchy man. Throw in the 4 bosses as well and you've a very varied, very colour school of rogues as a 12 character fighter.

I had heard the Russians were capable of some mad dances, this isn't one of them.

There's strengths and weaknesses to every character. Some are faster and more agile. Some are less agile but tend to tank the damage better than others. Some have rapid-fire attacks while others have projectiles, there's a large mix up and almost something for everyone and their preferred style of gameplay. Most of the characters can be paired up with someone else as a "balanced" match (most...) so for two players there's a lot of different combinations of fighters to use and enjoy together.

Hardly seems fair to fight a stretchy man who can teleport and breathe fire.

Each character has their own stage and level, which you'll encounter while playing through arcade mode and see the focus, fine detail and attention gone into the presentation of the game. It's a wonderfully smooth game, with lush graphics for the machine and fluid, very responsive, gameplay that brings about one of the best reasons to actually own a Super Nintendo Entertainment System with a controller almost built as if its sole intention was to be able to play this game. 6 buttons, 6 attacks: 3 punches, 3 kicks and a D-Pad to move, it's quite the achievement and mapped almost perfectly for the players to use (though I still switch out the strong and medium attacks). Every few levels or so, you'll encounter a bonus level which is to smash up a car, or break up a wall. The faster you do it, the more bonus points you can score, nothing really pertinent about it but it does make for an interesting change in the game.

The first boss adds that added air of extravagance.

The AI comes across as fairly balanced around level 4 in difficulty while at level 7 it'll test you or make you exploit the AI weaknesses and cause triggers to ensure you'll always be able to do things that the computer will fall for every time. There are some shortcomings in the unfairness factor, such as the computer being able to pull off moves and specials that it couldn't possibly do if played by someone. Such as being able to instantly do moves that require the player to hold for 2 seconds before attacking. Such as Guiles overhead kick and Blanka's rolling ball attack, or E.Honda's blubber bullet for that matter.

It was a tough match, we eventually called it a draw.

By today's standards, the game is slow. But then this is the version before we starting to go Hyper-Turbo-Ex-Plus-Alpha-Mini-Driver-3D-suck-my-arse-off edition. It's core, it's base but it's good and it's enjoyable to the point of becoming tactical as a fighter rather than picking some overpowered prick and hitting people with moves they can't block *coughAkumacough* (love him really) and as a defining point in the franchise and home-computer vs. arcades, you really couldn't have picked a better band wagon to get upon to do it.

Snake Rattle and Roll (NES)

Snakes, they rattle and roll.

Two snakes, one called Rattle, one called Roll in an isometric game by rare called Snake Rattle and Roll. That didn't quite pan out how I had originally hoped but I blame fatigue on this one. What we do have however is a rather charming little isometric 3D platformer by Rare that promotes team play and solo in the same way.

One looks dopey, the other looks like it takes things far too seriously

It's a little bit aloof but the basic premise is that two snakes, Rattle and Roll, have decided to climb a mountain filled with traps, enemies, spikes and Nibbly-Pibblys (I'll explain...) In order to find a spaceship and leave the moon. How they get from the mountain TO the Moon is something else but I'm not exactly going to pick apart this fine bastion of story-telling at this point.

Another bonus level, where the Nibbly-Pibblys are running away

On each level, you've got your snakes, you've got (almost always) a weighing machine and a rather unending supply of Nibbly-Pibblys that get spat out from generators or can be found under lids. Eating them will make your snake gain tail segments and more importantly, weight. Once you're heavy enough to ring the bell, the door will open and you can make your escape. Your tail will grow faster if you eat Nibbly-Pibblys of the Yellow persuasion (fast and tend to run the hell off quickly) or your own colour. Eating your friend's coloured Nibbly-Pibblys will get you a minimal boost.

Pancaked

Each segment of tail will act as a health point and getting hit, attacked, sliced, collided, bitten or such will lose you a point of health, get hit with no tail and your head blows up. You also lose a life. There are (thankfully) very few enemies that can one-shot you, such as falling to your death, spikes, Bigfoot (and Ice foot by extension) and heavy items like anvils and fishtails (to be used to climb a waterfall). Later levels will have more emphasis on boulders and such that can kill you quickly too.

Big fat snake, the only way to open the exits with weight machines.

On the way, you'll encounter a wide variety of enemies and objects. From checkers pieces to large feet, pincushions that blow out spikes, toilet seats (starting to sound like old 80s video games with random objects), ice blocks, bombs, fake lives and sharks. You've some weapons and items to help you out though, tongue extensions to make it easier to lick enemies to death (yes... including the foot, lick the foot to death), lives, continues, clockwork keys to speed you up, diamonds to make you invulnerable (hard as diamond perhaps? not sure the relevance) and more Nibbly-Pibblys than you really want.

The fish-tail power up lets you swim up this. I don't know where the snorkel set comes from though

Depending upon the location, there are some hidden secrets like level warps, for the really quick, a warp from level 1 to 8 is possible at the start of the game. While others are hidden around in places, some more obvious than others. There's also bonus rooms where you get a flurry of Nibbly-Pibblys (getting cramp typing that name out) that you have to devour quickly before they make a lap of the room and escape.

Magic carpets and flying icons, all the fun of a platform puzzle.

The dynamic of the levels change when you get further along, focusing more on jumping puzzles and later on being able to swim freely in free-space underwater though this is hindered by the lack of awareness of moving into the background unless you can see where your shadow is and the 2D perception in a 3D world REALLY hinders the progression unless you're very astute in picking up where your shadow is on the bottom of the pools. Some of the jumping puzzles are beyond annoying and later levels (ice... I hate ice levels) have decreased friction and sloped ramps to slide you off into the abyss and off the mountain with a comical "aaaaaaaaaaaarghhh" and a chipper little tune to announce your death.

Round 1, fight! Sorry... wrong game.

These niggling little issues aside, the game plays smoothly, the controls function incredibly well though you've that translation of movement where Up doesn't move you up, it moves you 45degrees around from Up to keep you moving in a compass direction along the 2D planar of the isometric view. In short, it gets fucking annoying, fast until your mind/hands adapt to the situation. It also is the cause of a lot of mis-aimed jumping and attacks as you can't tell how far into the background you actually are and appear to be the same size whether you're all the way back or right at the front of the screen.

Does exactly what it says on the tin.

It plays like it's based on a kids cartoon, the characters are bright and happily animated, being hurt makes them leap up into the air and gawp at the screen with a wide slack-jaws O.O face on their features while there's little in the way of violence beyond going pop, screaming aaaaaaaargh in a string of comical letters or getting pancaked by the heavier enemies in the game. The music is toe-tappingly pleasant enough though the more heavy music in the later levels does add to the sense that the game is tough from here on and the difficulty is about to ramp it up to the point that it's almost vertical.

Yes, you have to lick the foot. A disgustion solution to this enemy.

It would seem that the game, because of its fairly unique perspective, is difficult in only its control system and how it translates to the map/levels. Some of the jumps and traps are very fiddly (nibbly-pibbly?) and can be awkward at worst to navigate, and downright impossible save for blind luck or highly intuitive ability to control the game.

Despite this, it's still a very game, very enjoyable and fairly well polished. Another gem from Rare.